I can’t believe that our son is already a week old.
Jordan told me I was crazy when I said that he was already growing bigger, but my anxieties were confirmed at his appointment when we found out his weight went from 6lbs 10 oz back up to 7lbs. 1 oz., his original birth weight. This is a good thing because it shows that he is eating enough, but why does he have to get bigger? Can’t he just stay the same forever?
Sunday afternoon, after wrestling with the car seat for a half hour, we made the trek home from the hospital. Unfortunately, our little guy was yellow with jaundice, effectually bringing us to the hospital every day since Monday. They prick his tiny heel to get blood and we both watch helplessly, his little hands gripping our fingers as he cries through the pain.
So this is what its like to be a parent…completely and utterly out of control.
There have been many moments where we have both felt helpless and many more moments where impotence and fear excites in us a desperation for the Lord.
I want more of those moments- when we are brought before the Lord humbled by our total lack of control and encouraged by His promises to care for His children.
The jaundice battle continues and we pray that the Lord would heal him of it soon. It’s not really a big deal medically, especially since its going away, but it’s not the best thing to watch your newborn get pricked in the foot every day for over a week. We have been laying him in windows to get him exposed to the sun, and he has been wearing his “bili-blanket” for the last 3 days- a blanket with a light intended to help break down the bilirubin.
One of my favorite things about having a new baby is the delight of watching Jordan interact with him. Jordan admits that he didn’t know how he was going to feel when Jairus arrived, but he is in love. Truly, Jordan could sit and watch the little man all day, laughing at the silly little faces Jairus makes and kissing his plump little cheeks. There is nothing like waking up to my two men sleeping right next to me, and its even better when both are so tired they snore.
I’ve talked about 1 John 3:1 before and will probably allude to it as Jairus gets older and we begin to have more children and I continue to learn more of the great Father’s love for His Children.
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”
The love of God is measured by the fact that he has called us children. It’s a special kind of love that the Father has for those who are His. I know that I will never quite understand this love, but I know that each and every day of motherhood I learn more of the love of God and am overwhelmed by how MUCH we are loved by God. I’ve heard of the love for a child, but never fully understood it until now. I love Jairus for no other reason than because he is our child and there is no circumstance that could change that, he is always ours. And this is after the example of our Heavenly Father, who loves us for no other reason than because we are His- not because we are good, or we deserve His love, or that we are loveable, but because He has called us His children.
Our church has been such an amazing demonstration of the love of God and has lavished on us tons of love. The body of Christ has been glorified through the women of our church who have devoted their time to cooking and cleaning for me and calling daily to see how we are and if we need anything. Two women from my church fought with me through labor, encouraging me when I was tired and weak, one who was there for over 18 hours with her new-born baby by her side. I couldn’t have endured the 22 hours without them. I have been overwhelmed by the love from our church and am thankful for a family that exemplifies the love of Christ through their service. Yet another amazing way in which I have been reminded of the love of our Father, who as the head, established His body to go in service for His glory. And glorified He has been.
This has been one of the best weeks of my life, and while there will be difficulties, I know that there are plenty more wonderful weeks to come. We are excited for what the Lord has in store for our new little family of three.