You Are Not Your Own

So the news is out! Jordan and I found out a little over a week ago that we are expecting a little Bush and we are so excited for the blessing that God has graciously given us! The little baby is about the size of a lentil pea, but man is that pea wreaking havoc on my insides. When I started feeling sick, that’s when I knew, and since then saltine crackers have become my best friend. Luckily, I have thrown up only a couple of times, and the Lord was graceful to give me relief for a few days while a couple of friends came in town for a visit.

I don’t think that the reality of the baby has hit Jordan and I quite yet. Maybe when the bump starts to show we will finally get it, but for right now I just feel like a sick bum who wants to sleep allllll day long.Unfortunately, this is not a possibility because of school, and I have come toooooo far to slumber my way through this semester.

And Jordan is living off of cereal, chips and salsa, the remainder of the mint chocolate chip icecream from his birthday, and any other leftovers that might be hidden in the back of the fridge. But I could not have asked for a better man to be by my side, and I am thankful for his love and grace despite rotten leftovers.

AND there are always lessons to be learned…

The Lord has been faithful in teaching me through this time and has not ceased to use this little pea sized babe to show me humility and remind me again that my body is not my own. The realization that I have hardly any control over this child is a scary and humbling thought. Praying many times a day that the Lord would grow this baby into a healthy child reminds me how little control I actually have, both over our baby, and myself. I can only go to my Lord to ask for health and strength for this child, knowing that He is the only one in control of my womb.

And being only 8 weeks, I am so surprised about the effects this little lentil is having on me. My body has become a home for a little baby who uses it as a warm cuddly shelter. The more Jordan and I talk about this miracle going on inside of me, the more we are reminded that we are not our own, but that  “we have been bought with a price.” This truth has never been more real to me as it is now. The Holy Spirit dwells in me just like this little pea baby does, and if I am heeding its authority, the Spirit should be controlling my life kinda like the little nugget inside me controls what I eat and when I pee. When this little baby makes my hormones crazy or if I don’t have enough to eat, I barf. I feel so tired even though I am not doing anything. In a sense, this baby is changing and controlling my body. Do I likewise see the effects of the control of the Spirit?

Not that the Spirit makes me barf, but shouldn’t the Spirit control me in a similar way? Should I not eat, drink, and do all things for the Glory of God and with the recognition of the Spirit’s guiding me? Shouldn’t my life be reflecting the work of the Holy Spirit? And why don’t I give it as much attention as i give my aching belly? I have asked God so many times to take away the sickness, but when was the last time I was diligent in asking Him to make me more kind, loving, patient, self controlled and altogether more sensitive to the Spirit?  My body was never my own to begin with, but rather the “temple of the Holy Spirit who is in [me], whom [I] have from God…” so that I am not my own, but God’s, a lump of clay inside the potters hand.

I know the Spirit is working in me, but there are definitely times when I don’t heed His authority or seek the fruits with any diligence and consistency. Not that I am to be perfect, but what if the Holy Spirit was as obvious as this little pea, making its presence known almost the WHOLE day in a painfully obvious way? But  God does not force us to eat what we don’t want or make us crave gross foods like hamburgers to get our attention. Instead, He speaks and works with a still small voice, asking us to block out our selves and this world to get in tune with Him. Not to quench the Spirit will all the worries and concerns of this life, but to lay all aside to hear Him.

I don’t mean that the Spirit is like a baby, but it sure has been convicting. My life should be controlled by the Spirit of God and it should effect everything I do and say, similar to the way this little baby has a certain control over what I eat, drink, and do. I praise the Lord for this learning lesson, and pray that He would make me more aware of the Spirit working in my life. I know that God is at work, and I know that the Spirit is moving whether I pay attention to it or not. But I want to hear God in the storm of this life, allow myself to be controlled moment by moment by the Spirit, considering more and more His will for me, laying down my own life to pick up the Cross He has set before me.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”


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